Beginnings

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait to be a mom. I had been watching other people's kids most of my life, and now it was my turn. I had a good job, I had some money saved up, I was married for several years. I had all my ducks in a row. Can you guess what happened next? That's right, shit hit the fan. The first hiccup was 12 weeks into my pregnancy. I started to hemorrhage and was scared out of my mind. My baby and I ended up okay, but it was terrifying. You aren't supposed to bleed when you are pregnant! Turns out, it happens to lots of women, and we don't fucking talk about it. Why? I don't know, some stupid ass shit about how motherhood is so natural and women are made for babies or some crap. We ended up having 3 scares like this by the time I had my son. At six months pregnant, the last one came along and I really thought it was the end for both of us. I had to quit my job or my baby and I were going to die. I gave birth less than a week into our 9th month. Despite what people say, it is really ten months as you go through the entire 9th month before delivery. 40 weeks is how long a pregnancy is supposed to be. We made it to 36. We were luckier than most, as I know people that had babies in the mid 20's and early thirties. It could have been much worse, but it sure as shit was not the ideal. So here we had this preterm baby with medical issues and me out of work for the last couple of months. We had filed for WIC (thank god they help pregnant women!) and then filed for SNAP and economic assistance after his birth. We were awarded a whopping 10 dollars in cash and 100 in food stamps. My husband 'made too much money' at 10 dollars an hour. That's right, 110 dollars for a family of 3 with a sick kid and one of us making very little. Really super fucking helpful. Watch out for us welfare queens, we are really gaming the system! My son only spent a couple of weeks in and out of the hospital and the doctors, so we weren't needy enough on that front either. No one would fund us on a gofundme page that's for sure. (Not that I ever tried, but I know all my relatives and friends are just as fucking poor as us, so meh.) Eventually, I got the clear to go back to work and he was old enough to go to daycare. Called up my old work (that I had given plenty of notice while I was on restrictions and still able to work somewhat) that I was available to start work again... and my job was no longer there. (I took care of disabled adults and that one in particular had been cleared for not needing care at that time anymore so I couldn't even fight it.) Months go by, our savings is dead, and I have zero luck finding a job. In September (I am writing this in January, my son was born in April and I left my job the December before) I finally found one through Papa Murphy's.  I debated about saying the name of the company, but they really boned me here and deserve to be called out on it. I worked there about 2 months. The manager (I will omit her name here) did not want to actually teach me anything and then threw a hissy fit that I hadn't learned something I was literally never taught. How much of x do we prep? I'm not sure, we need this item and this item is low but I'm not sure how much. How do you find that out? I don't know. *Stares me down* You said there would be a prep sheet you would do every day and I wouldn't have to worry about it when I asked you my first day here. *Stares* And the job description said there would be a prep sheet. *Stares, then suddenly slams stuff on the counter and walks outside for 15 minutes smoking. Then, comes back in and slams more things around and ignores me. Finally curtly tells me I can leave for the day after hours more of this crap.* I called and complained to HR, and I found out the next day she had called HER manager and complained about ME. They decided that this was 'a teachable moment; and would 'transfer' me and keep her. Yeah, SHE throws a hissy fit like a toddler and I get 'transferred to a different store'. (The transfer never happened.) So here we are 3 months later and I have been out of work 9 out of the last 12 months. For the most part, I have been a stay at home mom through this while my husband works. I once dreamed of being a stay at home mom, but not like this. It was supposed to be me working from home and hubby working outside the home, with plenty of money. Not this bullshit. never this bullshit. I have been searching for a way to make money, and I have always been a writer. So, I started this blog. You have to have an audience and a blog to even get started as a writer. Not sure how it transfers into making money but that's what they say. (Probably bullshit too but here's hoping!) They say find your niche and stick with it. I have been taking care of kids forever, and I have the ability to write. I am foul mouthed, and I am a mom. (I try not to swear in front of the kid, but it is so fucking hard not to. So, I will swear here. Dammit.) I'm sure there are other moms out there that would appreciate the honesty you will see in here. Being a mom is messy and ugly at times. Being a mom is frustrating and annoying as fuck. Yeah, love the little guy but sometimes you just want to throw them out the window. (For all you sanctimommies out there gasping right now, I would never really throw him out the window. It's a joke, don't take shit so fucking seriously.) You love them and appreciate the snuggles and kisses but you also want to tear your hair out. If you are looking for super positive fluffy bunny bullshit, this is not the place for you. If you get faint over some swearing, well suck it the fuck up cupcake because I am not cleaning up my fucking language. I have to be a role model in front of my kid, so I need an outlet. If you don't like it, move on or kiss my ass.